Tuesday, June 25, 2019

How Overthinking Had Saved Me: A Short Story of my Experience

This morning i scrolled my Facebook and found a post that touched my heart. A tragic story how a young Muslim girl died. I feel like sharing my almost similar story.

The post goes on like this:
"I carried a dead Muslim girl out of a night club.

I never really tell stories about my past, mainly because we dont need to be exposing our past sins and a little bit because I dont wanna snitch on myself.. But time to time I reflect on the lessons learnt.

It was October 2011 and I was a security manager in the nightclub scene. I got called to work a big urban night, which people attended from all over the country. Over 3000 people came and the place was full from wall to wall. Some well known rappers and DJ's were playing that night and I remember it smelt like cocoa butter, weed and sweat.

Alcohol and drug fuelled, there was so many fights. I remember seeing a guys head split when he got hit with a champagne bottle, blood everywhere. It was absolutely manic! I remember being so angry at the promoters for putting us in this situation as bouncers.

Anyway, at the end of the night as everybody rushed out the club in a hurry, people started to push, slip and fall down the stairs. With no regard for each other, they just started to walk over the people who had fallen and stamp all over them. Before you knew it there was a stampede and people were getting trampled and crushed.

Along with a few others I started to pull people out of the pile of bodies being crushed as others carried on walking all over them. I could hear screaming, crying and shouting... but these animals just did not care and would not stop. I was pulling people out from under the crowd and to safety as the police, paramedics and firemen turned up to help.

I went back in and pulled one female out who was unconscious and carried her outside the club to a paramedic. I placed her down on the carpark floor and ran back inside to help more people. Every time I came back out I looked at this girl not moving and the paramedic frantically trying to help. I went over to ask what's going on and they told me shes dead.

They checked her ID and from her name I found out she is a muslim. Another girl also died that night and around 35 people were seriously injured. The police reviewed the footage and told me that I probably saved 30 lives that night..

But not this one.

Till this day I cry when I think about her. It scared me so much to think as a muslim I could lose my life in a nightclub. It was the start of me trying to change my whole life around. My intention is to continue doing sadaqa jarya charity projects for her.

May Allah forgive us for our sins and have mercy on this young muslimah who was only around 19 years old.

Death can come at anytime man, you have to be prepared. The clubbing scene is nothing but filth. I've seen people lose their lives and even stopped women getting raped in my time on the doors.

Alhamdulillah for the second, third, fourth and however many other chances Allah has given us.

You can have the darkest past, but it shouldn't prevent you from having the brightest future. I work my ass off in this charity scene because me personally I have so much to make up for from the past.

Allah is the most merciful..and that is the reason why we can never give up.

May Allah take us at a time He is happy with us. Ameen."


This story by this brother reminds me of myself when i was young.

When i was really young, 19 years old to be exact, n  it was my first time living in a hostel far from family to attend college , i got a roomate who sounded Islamic, a daughter of an ustaz, i think even her brother produce Islamic dakwah reading materials, but she was a bit of a rebel, and was really good with words (like Najwa Zebian u know, against the faith yet twisting words to sound so "motivational" "positive vibe" justified by her self-love thingy~may she return to the right path by Allah swt's mercy). She told me we need to see or try some forbidden things before we hate it, just try to see it, not to enjoy it she said, to understand why it is forbidden, she even said as Muslim we are discouraged to taqlid, to just accept what is told without knowing why and what's the point of everything.

So she talked me out to go to a nearby famous night club, plus she regularly visits clubs and said it was nothing bad as long as she didnt take alcohol or make out with guys..after refusing many time she somehow managed to convince me to go, she said u need to see it just once, if u dont like it just leave, at least u get to see it, dont be judgemental etc. Out of curiosity, i was determined to see it myself and understand why it's a bad place like our ustazahs and seniors keep telling us.

So that weekend i was planning to follow her until a few days before the weekend, i received a forwarded email  (if ur 90s kids or older, remember that Friendster and Yahoo chat era, and people sharing news or interesting stuffs through emails instead of re-sharing posts on Facebook, in fact Facebook was still in development that time i think). The email was about a night club in neighbouring country (Thailand) that was on fire, it came with lots of photos, no censorship in emails u know, people got their hands on the photos and just share them. So many burnt dead bodies piling in that club after the fire was put off.

They didnt get to escape because they were trapped, imagine the nature of a night club or such place, a lot of human gathered in an enclosed building, entrance are usually limited, usually just a standard doors. So when people get panic they just push themselves around or get pushed.. The sign for exit would be hard to find or confusing for some, like maybe the closest exit is behind them but out of panic they only see the exit sign across the hall. So imagine that.

When i saw the email it got me thinking, if that night  that i was just going to the nearby night club for the first time without the intention to visit again, and somehow the club get into such disaster and i died there, what would my parents think of me? 
  • I was sent to study hundreds miles away and that's where i go? 
  • Wouldn't i disappoint them? 
  • How can they explain to people and relatives about how i died? 
  • I was sent to an Islamic college n they speak proudly of me n that's how i died? 

Imagine how it would crush their hearts. I would be embarrassing them. Just for a stupid reason to just "see" the environment of a night club ..n they would never know that i have never been to that place before, dying there would make it look like im a frequent to such place. People will make accusations. I am already dead to defend myself, to tell the truth that i just go there to see it for the first and last time.

Hence i made up my mind that i shall never step into any night clubs ever since that day till now im already in my 30s.

Thank god for the love and reminder.