Back in Malaya

Salam, it's good to be home.. except when there is a huge unpleasant surprise waiting...

This is all i can say whenever bad thing happens..

Something like a bomb happened to my family, and i came back to be surprised by it. Pergh...

Memang macam sebijik bomb, dropped in my heart. I couldn't cry, because it would make me feel even weaker...than i already am..huhu

Rasa macam nak mati pon ada, berkecai dengan bom tu. But i'm still trying to hold on. Oh Ya Allah, give me strength, give me a strong heart, a new heart.

Aku balik Malaysia sempena summer break, dan aku memang tanak duduk rumah je sepanjang 3 bulan cuti,aktif la katakan. So aku apply kerja atau internship. Aku dah dapat kat KL (area PJ actually, but i will call it KL, orang kampung la katakan, we generalize everything lulz), lepas aku dapat tahu kisah family aku tu hari yang sama aku dapat interview untuk company area rumah aku ni. Dengan perasaan yang macam nak mati ni, aku tak bersemangat sangat and not that prepared for the interview pon...

Hikmahnya? Lebih dari rezeki..mungkin

But it's like a test to me, surprisingly today i was informed that i got the job, which can offer me a bit of better financial saving, and i can stay with my family. So i can choose whether to live a risky life in KL yet i will get the chance to run away from this problem, or stay here with the family trying to fix the problem, succeed or not belakang ceritalah..

Both options are somewhat tiring. If i choose to stay in KL, the positive side is it is a much sophisticated glamour-looking place to work but the negative side the allowance is too little to survive there. I have to rent a room for a short stay and that is leceh of course. And i dont have a car anymore. Tapi memang boleh lari dari masalah famili skang ni...macam seorang penakut...*terngiang-ngiang lagu Yuna*

Kalau stay here dekat dengan family, the pay is slightly better, dan aku jimat dekat tempat tinggal. Cuma tempat kerjanya bosan, tak glamer langsung (gila glamer jugak aku ni). Tapi aku boleh stay dengan family untuk support since i'm like the big sister here, the one that makes most of the decisions. Penat.

Selepas tanya pendapat orang, tanpa reveal that sensitive personal issue lah, mostly rekemen accepting the job near to my family. I was still hesitated, then i pray and asked a hint to my heart, then my instinct asked me to put family first, because if it was for me,selfishly i would want to stay in KL, boleh henjoy ngan memember (like i always did, pathetic me). But my family need me, and a plus point is, i can save some money, and go shopping! (trying to make myself smile)

I never felt so alone..maybe i need to feel this to find Your presence.

Ya Allah...make me strong, help me find You and find myself. I want to be strong. I need to be strong.

I hope it pass..Chin up! Allah is always there!