Pandemic and Joblessness

September 2019 was the last month I received my student allowance, my appeal has been approved to extend the duration to finish my PhD without allowance, by one year. Yet I have to wait for my supervisor to get back to me from her sabbatical and later wait for my proofreader to complete the proofreading (June 2020) and then another 3 months for my viva voce date (October 2020) from my submission date (July 2020). And after I've done my correction that should take a year in just 1 month 2 weeks (I was like a zombie with 1-2 hours sleep a day and no more running for a runner like me) I have to wait another 1 month plus for the examiners (very busy professors~) to reply their feedback. This situation was prolonged to February 2021 which means all this happened from Sept 2019 to February 2021. During this time I work as part time waitress in 2 different cafes around my university. This is like a short recap from my previous posts...

From January to March 2021 I got a contract job which pay me like a fresh graduate, same amount with my first job in 2010. Syukur tidak menganggur~

May 2021 I got to be a part time lecturer substituting my friend in a local private university for their short semester. First and short experience, god giving me a taste of what I aspire (and struggling) to be, still. Luckily the students were super chill and cool (don't know if they feel the same way about me, some called me the coolest millennial lecturer, too bad the management didn't think so and didn't hire me after that). I incorporated a pretty handful of Internet memes in my slides, so I guess only those who love memes would appreciate it. Some might think I am immature for that lol. But memes are not childish, it requires some level of intelligence for audience to understand and laugh at it. One of my PhD-mate is writing a thesis about meme, I hope he never change his topic. *the thing about PhD topic is, some supervisors might not agree with students approach or direction of their research topic and can suggest changes from minor to 100% different from what the student proposed. Luckily my supervisor is supercool with my research topic although sometimes I feel it's a petty topic to be discussed academically when compared to my PhD-mates who write about politics. But deep down I still like my topic and it is still currently aligned with our situation now.

June 2021 I received the senate later from the submission I made in February. yeah... 

July 2021 my second phase interview with one local IPTA and I confidently felt good about it.

October 2021 I received the result that I am successful to be the calon simpanan (whattt~~) whatever the shit that means. In the same week I received a call from a SEEK Jobstreet agent something (I dont know) offering a position as instructional designer so I sat for the interview with the company and got the job but the pay is ok but not my PhD level kind of pay...in this pandemic, u just gotta grab whatever u got~

What is the point of this post, u may ask (if there is even anyone reading this....) well, I'm grateful that Allah swt had given me this job right after I received the devastating news from that IPTA (dihatikuuuu) ..it's like right on time I got a job that I didn't even apply for, I mean I dont apply job in the industry anymore since they always decline saying I'm overqualified, no skill for work etc (eventho I have 4 years working experience before I pursued my master n PhD).. so now I'm a PhD holder working in the industry... Allah swt atur cantik je, but it's up to me now to be grateful n work full heartedly although its not really my dream job, but it's a job i enjoy.

Alhamdulillah 

And I think, this could be because I started to amalkan al Mathurat after Subuh while jogging (meaning I listen n "sing along" while running la). It is really a jemput rezeki kind of zikir. Because before this I rarely do it, but in September I made it a habit where almost everyday I jog after Subuh I didn't put on music like I normally do, I put on al Mathurat...I still try to make it a habit now..after 1 round of morning al Mathurat I would listen to my normal rock songs for the running beast mode on lol..

SO THATS ALL!! READ YOUR AL MATHURAT GUYS!! 

Bonus bacaan: Manfaat membaca al-Mathurat 

Back in Malaya

Salam, it's good to be home.. except when there is a huge unpleasant surprise waiting...

This is all i can say whenever bad thing happens..

Something like a bomb happened to my family, and i came back to be surprised by it. Pergh...

Memang macam sebijik bomb, dropped in my heart. I couldn't cry, because it would make me feel even weaker...than i already am..huhu

Rasa macam nak mati pon ada, berkecai dengan bom tu. But i'm still trying to hold on. Oh Ya Allah, give me strength, give me a strong heart, a new heart.

Aku balik Malaysia sempena summer break, dan aku memang tanak duduk rumah je sepanjang 3 bulan cuti,aktif la katakan. So aku apply kerja atau internship. Aku dah dapat kat KL (area PJ actually, but i will call it KL, orang kampung la katakan, we generalize everything lulz), lepas aku dapat tahu kisah family aku tu hari yang sama aku dapat interview untuk company area rumah aku ni. Dengan perasaan yang macam nak mati ni, aku tak bersemangat sangat and not that prepared for the interview pon...

Hikmahnya? Lebih dari rezeki..mungkin

But it's like a test to me, surprisingly today i was informed that i got the job, which can offer me a bit of better financial saving, and i can stay with my family. So i can choose whether to live a risky life in KL yet i will get the chance to run away from this problem, or stay here with the family trying to fix the problem, succeed or not belakang ceritalah..

Both options are somewhat tiring. If i choose to stay in KL, the positive side is it is a much sophisticated glamour-looking place to work but the negative side the allowance is too little to survive there. I have to rent a room for a short stay and that is leceh of course. And i dont have a car anymore. Tapi memang boleh lari dari masalah famili skang ni...macam seorang penakut...*terngiang-ngiang lagu Yuna*

Kalau stay here dekat dengan family, the pay is slightly better, dan aku jimat dekat tempat tinggal. Cuma tempat kerjanya bosan, tak glamer langsung (gila glamer jugak aku ni). Tapi aku boleh stay dengan family untuk support since i'm like the big sister here, the one that makes most of the decisions. Penat.

Selepas tanya pendapat orang, tanpa reveal that sensitive personal issue lah, mostly rekemen accepting the job near to my family. I was still hesitated, then i pray and asked a hint to my heart, then my instinct asked me to put family first, because if it was for me,selfishly i would want to stay in KL, boleh henjoy ngan memember (like i always did, pathetic me). But my family need me, and a plus point is, i can save some money, and go shopping! (trying to make myself smile)

I never felt so alone..maybe i need to feel this to find Your presence.

Ya Allah...make me strong, help me find You and find myself. I want to be strong. I need to be strong.

I hope it pass..Chin up! Allah is always there!