Officially Embarked on a soon-to-be Sweaty Teary Journey

5 September yang lepas aku telah pon menghabiskan duit simpanan dari semasa aku di Australia untuk daftar masuk universiti untuk buat PhD. It's a very long tiring upsetting story..sebab pada mulanya aku ditawarkan tajaan penuh, konon suruh aku sambung kat luar negara sebab nak universiti rank dunia. Then masuk tahun ni , kalau aku tak call dulu entah bila dorang nak inform, nasib baik ada hunch atau terdetik di hati before bayar yuran application aku call universiti A yang offer nak sponsor September tahun lepas ni. Baru lah si polan dari sana nak bagitau kata dana tak cukup, suruh study local je.

So down la jadinya aku, dah penat turun KL 2 kali bulan December lepas jumpa supervisor dari international university (sebab nak buat program twinning, so half dok sini half kat luar negara) last2 kena cari supervisor baru dari IPTA. This happened in January.

Back to the real deal, so in March I was busy looking for supervisor, and if u ever read my previous post, in April I think I was patiently waiting for the offer letter  from uni B (the local IPTA where I am currently doing my PhD) sebab nak start secepat mungkin. Fast forward untuk cerita pendek, tup-tup uni A yang nak sponsor aku tu bulan 6 baru inform kata dana tak cukup, dia tak bayar yuran pengajian, kena bayar sendiri, dia bagi elaun bulanan je... and I was like...the whole year I was spending money like no biggy, now u just inform me? So to be honest rite now I have few RM in my bank, janganlah cerita pasal tabung haji ke ASB ke, that's not supposed to be touched.  

It sucks man.. MyBrain tutup bulan May, if they informed me earlier I would have apply for MyBrain, walaupun macam hanat gak la MyBrain tu sebab budak lain yang apply sampai sekarang pun senyap je. Aku call dorang tanya bila next application buka mangkuk tu asyik jawab tak tahu dengan kerek, suruh check kat website dari masa ke semasa. Baik ko takyah keje..

It is very sad, honestly..everything happened in the same week, berita pasal i dont get full sponsor hari Isnin, hari Jumaat dapat tahu pasal mamat tu..imagine? Turun 4 kg dalam masa 4 hari..bertubi-tubi bagai dibom Israel hatiku ini..

But pasal PhD tu, since I've been working on it since end of last year, i still proceed. Because i dont see any other thing i want to do beside this... I'm tired of working on jobs I dont like..dulu 2009 lepas abes degree memang nak sambung master, tapi parents cakap keje la dulu, ada adik lagi 2 orang tengah study, so I postponed.. now i'm so old already..when do i get to study and become golongan pendidik? When is now? When if not now? I'm not married, I dont have kids, I'm so freaking free..except not that free cuz my parents getting old, I dont feel like going and living abroad, although i can do that if i want..

So god lead me this way, I'll work my ass off for it. No turning back, I have to finish it in 3 years or the sponsor will ask me to pay them back,so finish this no matter what. Rabbi yassir wala tuassir.. 

Bab research proposal ni pon menyakitkan hati gak nak tulis kat sini.. uni A yang nak taja aku tu, faculty yang aku akan mengajar tu tukar dean baru bulan Ogos, tetiba suruh aku tukar tajuk. Do u understand how much effort I've put on to work on this proposal since end of last year? I've showed it to the former dean in January and he accepted it,.(note that i've been engaging with the former dean since early this year , and he was one of the interviewers that likes me) so I've been working on it ever since, now nak tukar, siap nak suruh tukar school, do you know that the whole process take times? The amount of articles i've read now put to waste? Urghhh taktaw nak cakap la ujian apakah ini.. and currently I'm struggling to find relevant articles to this new topic and again re-structure my proposal..i still can't form the theoretical framework for it yet..and i have to present it this January to the panels...oh kehidupanku.. sapa-sapa yang baca ni tolonglah doakan aku..ok? Thank you and god bless u..

Me..at my PhD lab room..

If u care to know some re-cap about my previous master journey, check this post of mine..